Beautiful Garbage

 

Beautiful Garbage

Melting in Moments

Counting down the hours

To be thrown away again

I’ve been conditioned to experiencing the sweetest drops of euphoria

Then having them squandered away from me when I least it expect it

I’m already preparing for your departure the first time we meet

I’m mentally saying hello and goodbye simultaneously when we greet

I’ve written epitaphs of our ending mid embrace and I know…

None of this is healthy

I want to enjoy the exchange without peering at the stop-clock

Suspend myself in the seconds with you like hang gliding in slow motion

Yet I know that’s not an option

Just the way I realize that I am just an option

Often being opted out of

I am addicted to hurting myself using other people to wage war on my heart

And lately you’ve been my weapon of choice

Self-inflicted misery disguised as passion

Fear of being rejected disguised as lack of emotion

I will convince you that I am as cold as they come

When in reality

It’s always rainy season inside of my spirit and I want to give you an umbrella so you can stand here with me forever

And forever is really just my way of saying 3 months

Because I need to run away from you before you ever get the chance to leave me

It’s not you, its very much so me but I will mind fuck you until you feel otherwise

Sex is just a synonym for hypnotize and you liked that

They always fall in love with my dysfunction

Starry eyed at the idea of fixing me

I am your conquest and you are my collectors item

You’re a trophy

Honestly not a compliment

It means you’re the shiniest object on display with little to no purpose other than

Making me feel desirable or validated but I will polish you off from time to time

I’m damn good at that

You let me play with you

Let me douse you with the gasoline of my insecurities as I flick flaming cinders of my short comings in your direction

You laugh at me

The adrenaline rush gets you off

I’ve met my match and you’ve lit yours

Setting yourself on fire in my honor

Left to cover myself in your ashes like pheromones to attract the next martyr

Beautiful Garbage

Melting in Moments

Counting down the hours

To be thrown away again.

-Diandra Janelle Rose 4/6/18

 

7 Comments Add yours

  1. Rosemarie says:

    Awesome.

  2. ❤️❤️❤️

  3. You Are A Beautiful Person , Love This

  4. Richard Frame says:

    I love how you convey your beautiful soul through pen to paper.

  5. Tawanda Sumter says:

    I love your poetry!! It reminds me of me and my relationships. Good job!!!

  6. Kev-vona says:

    This made me tear because it brings awareness to how I feel every time I meet someone that could be potentially “the one” and I do everything I can to prevent its ending! I love the way you express yourself! Keep writing girly, you help so many people with your truth!!

    1. fairythugmother says:

      I needed this reminder thank you love. Glad you could find some relation

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